


AOIVEAE

by WildNoa13474



Series: Identity Crisis (Standalone Stories) [1]
Category: Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Archangel grace, BAMF Loki, EXTRA Family Issues, Family Issues, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Loki, Kinda, Magic, Post-Thor (2011), Pre-Thor (2011), Reincarnation, Secret Identity, Thor tries, Twice The Trickster Twice The Issues, Twice the Trickster Twice the Fun, archangel powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 20:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15445650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildNoa13474/pseuds/WildNoa13474
Summary: Title means 'The Stars' in Enochian.Loki had always been different.Still, this was moderately unexpected.ORThe Loki-Is-Gabriel fic nobody asked for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So I just finally watched Thor and Thor the Dark World, and had to write a Loki is Gabriel fic because I can't not write a Loki is Gabriel fic.
> 
> This one is a little bit different from what I normally write, though actually I've done this kind of thing before, but that can't be helped really with how many of these I write.
> 
> The comparison between human and Aesir aging in this fic is 1:75. So when Loki is 75 years old, he looks and acts like a human 1 year old. Thor is about 220 years older than Loki.
> 
> Loki: 794 years old (10.5 years old)
> 
> Thor: 1014 years old (13.4 years old)

The halls of the palace of Asgard were unusually silent and empty. Where there used to be loud and rambunctious fools stumbling around, it was strangely quiet.

Strange, mostly, to the lone child wandering the halls. Loki was accustomed to the quiet; he often sought it out, in fact, but seeing the palace like this, near devoid of life, was unusual to say the least.

This rare phenomenon had occurred due to the tournament between Realms that was fought every two centuries. Loki had never been to such a thing, as his mother Frigga had deemed him too young during the previous tournament, and this year he was on house arrest, and not accidentally either.

See, Loki did not get the point of staring at two grown men hacking at each other until one of them surrendered- which, knowing Aesir, would take hours and hours. His brother Thor, however, did. As did most of the palace, even the maids had gone to cheer on their husbands.

Thor always dragged him to every brawl, only to join in. He had declared loudly that he 'would show his brother the glory of battle' multiple times. And, well, if Thor asked him to come he could not simply refuse.

But this tournament was nothing to his tastes. So, to avoid Thor asking him to go, he simply went to his mother's quarters a few days before and asked for house arrest. She had gladly complied, still of the opinion both of her sons were too young to witness such bloodshed.

Thor, of course, had given Loki his kicked-wolfcub look when he'd heard. But there was no changing it- Loki would much rather spend his day buried in books and practicing his magic.

Which was what he had been doing up until a few hours ago. But even magic could get boring if studied monotonously, and Loki had been fascinated by it all his life.

This in itself was... Unusual, to say the least. Nobody liked a prince of Asgard devoted to a woman's art; not the All-father, not the warriors, and especially not Loki's peers. Thor told them off when the teasingly went too far, but too far was relative and Thor was still learning the line between jesting and straight insults.

This was how he'd become somewhat of a... reclusive, hiding in his studies and practicing so that when the time came, he could show them all how much better magic was in comparison with brawling and weaponry.

Now, however, he needed a break. A break that usually came in the form of bothering Thor, but with the castle empty...

Loki greeted a few guards patrolling the halls, and corrected his thoughts. Nearly empty, then. For a moment he considered bothering the guards, but decided against it. The unlucky fellows were stuck here already instead of at the tournament, no point torturing them even more.

Maybe he could spell Thor's supply of capes... No, he had done that already, no need to be too predictable. Perhaps he could-

Loki knew there was something off the instant before it happened.

He became aware of a faint ringing in his ears, his footsteps suddenly distant and overly loud at the same time, the hallway spinning.

The halt of the footsteps were his only indication that he'd stopped walking, his body was numb, but Loki barely noticed, too busy trying to stay upright.

This was wrong wrong wrong not supposed to happen. Loki could not think straight, his mind clouded.

That was when the pain started. It was everywhere and nowhere, spreading over his body like burning ashes.

Loki wasn't aware that he was screaming until there were heavy footsteps around the corner as the guards Loki had just passed came running. He couldn't see, he did not look, there was pain.

He knew nothing more.

When Loki woke, it was to morning light filtering through the window.

His Mother appeared in his somewhat blurry vision, a gentle smile easing her worried features, and Loki blinked a bit, trying to wake himself up.

"Mother?" He winced at his voice, which was slightly hoarse. Why was he in the healing wing?

He remembered wandering the palace, greeting the guards and then- pain, like smoldering ashes. He'd collapsed?

"Loki." Mother looked relieved at hearing his voice, and helped him sit up against the back of the bed he had been laying in. "Are you well?"

Loki did not answer the question, because he did not know if he could answer. Was he well?

"What happened?" He questioned instead, cursing himself when he saw worry seep back into his mother's features.

"The guards found you on the ground, in grave pain." She answered.

"Were there any wounds? Attackers found?" Loki suspected not, but he had to be certain.

His mother shook her head. "No. That is what worries me so."

Because no wounds meant there was another problem, one that was not as easily fixable.

"I am well, Mother. It must have simply been exhaustion." Loki lied easily, seeing his mother's face relax. "You know how tiring Thor can be."

"That I do," Frigga chuckled lightly.

Loki made to step out of the bed, ignoring his still tilted vision, and even though Mother looked like she was about to protest, she made no move to stop him.

"I was not the only one concerned." She said suddenly, quietly, stopping Loki in his tracks. Mother continued, a faint smile on her lips. "Thor has been fretting over you this whole time. He did not know what to do with himself."

Loki smiled, not a mischievous trickster smile, but a genuine one. "I will visit him before I continue my studies. Thank you, mother."

With this, they parted ways. Frigga couldn't help but track Loki walking down the hall, to convince herself that her son was still safe, and moving, and breathing.

Then he turned a corner and disappeared from her sight, and Frigga turned too, pushing away the feeling of wrongness.

Arriving at Thor's quarters, Loki hesitated for a moment before deciding there was no point in knocking- Thor never woke up at this early an hour, and would not wake from a knock, except if Loki fancied pounding on the door until he had splinters in his hands, which he really didn't.

Yet, when Loki opened the not-locked-anymore door, Thor's bed standing proudly in the middle of the room was empty. Ruffled, slept in, but empty.

Loki was about to check his brother's washing room- this time with a knock, of course, although he heard no water running- when he spotted a note lying on the bed. He came closer and identified Thor's messy scrawl.

_Mother, father,_

_I am currently hunting deer in the east side woods with Fandral and Sif. I will be back before sundown._

_Have a fine day!_

Underneath the message was the older prince's signature, and some part of Loki remarked that Thor had been learning in those etiquette lessons after all, even while the rest of him was staring at the paper in disbelief.

Yes, Thor had clearly been fretting about his brother's health. Loki tossed the paper aside, trying to push away the feeling of bitterness.

It was not important. Without having Thor to deal with, Loki would have more time to study and fix whatever problem it was that had caused him to collapse.

Loki had no doubt the healer had tested for most possible illnesses, and it was not like he could do anything on that front. But, like his mother had taight him, only he could enter his own mind, study his own magic.

It was the reason Mother had only told him how to enter his mindscape, not what to do afterwards. Every mind was vastly different. Different layouts, methods, all based on that person's perception, imagination and a number of other factors.

In the safety of his room, Loki quietly slipped into his mindscape to search for the reason he'd collapsed.

For Loki, his mind was sectioned into orderly parts. Connected, yet not side by side. There was no way to accurately describe it, but the closest would be levels on different heights, yet connected by the same wall.

There was a soft, tranquil part, giving off a vague golden... not glow, exactly, but that was the closest Loki could get to describing the feeling. It was where his memories were stored, the events that had shaped him into what he was now and would continue to shape him.

Then there was a void, a part of his mind that would be completely dark if it wasn't for the glowing green mass of magic floating in the middle. His magic core was constantly moving, twisting, not restlessly but it would mesmerize anyone easily with its beauty.

Then there was something... More. Another level, perhaps, or something different. Loki did not know what it was or how much more it was, but he could feel it nonetheless. However, he had left it because he could not access it, not yet at least. If the Norns meant for him to find out, he would.

Loki suspected it was because he did not know what he was trying to find and to access.

But after going through his mindscape, inspecting it and inspecting his magic, and not finding anything amiss, he was bitterly forced to conclude he could not find the problem. And as he could not find the problem, he could not fix the problem.

There was nothing for him to do. He could only hope to the Norns that this was a one-time occurrence.

And as the months passed Loki saw the worry seep out of his mother's eyes just slightly every time she saw him healthy and standing.

As such, he did not have the heart to tell her, or anyone, that the attacks had continued. They were sporadic, sometimes hours between attacks and sometimes months, and as time passed Loki learned to deal with the pain.

He learned to stifle his screams so nobody would notice.

He learned to notice the signs of an oncoming attack so that he could make himself scarce.

He learned to avoid fights, because he could not get away from them without leaving behind a betrayed ally or a destructive enemy.

This was how, at almost 1200 years old, he had become known as the coward of Asgard. The sneaky one with the silver tongue, who tricked and lied instead of fighting like a real man would to, the prince practicing a woman's art instead of honorable battling. The one who ran.

His brother began to spend more and more time with his friends, Sif and the Warriors Three. This did not bother Loki. But the fact was, slowly but surely, Thor began to choose them over his brother.

It seemed that his brother never did find out when teasing turned to insults. Loki did not enjoy being made fun of, but he didn't truly care until his brother joined them.

Loki was bitter towards Thor. The Golden Boy of Asgard who always made their father proud, who was being groomed for the throne.

It was not that Loki disappointed the All-father. No, it was hard to disappoint someone who did not give you more than a glance every year or so.

Loki remembered when it had been different. When might and glory did not matter yet and Father cared for both of them, when the two brothers played together under Mother's watchful eye.

He remembered when it had mattered whether he came to the family dinners. When someone had noticed if he'd been caught up by a book and came to get him.

But those memories were from long, long ago. He was but a shadow, now, except for when he irritated someone. Then he was an ant, to be ridiculed and trown around a bit.

But Loki could not bring himself to hate Thor, or his mother, or give up on being noticed by his father. It may be because they were family, or it may be because they were all he had.

So when, with the day if Thor's kingship coming up, he looked at his brother and saw a warrior, not a king, he knew something needed to be done.

Thor was not ready to be king. The responsability would destroy him, collapse his bright grin, wear his strong hands. He did not think as a king, he would lead Asgard into ruin. Loki could not let either of those things happen.

Jötnar entering Asgard undetected and in a threatening position would make Thor want to retaliate. He would simply show the Frost Giants one of the secret passages he'd found and destroy it afterwards, that was all he would have to do.

Of course, it was never that simple, was it? Loki should have let Thor go, he was not alone and could handle himself. But Loki could not sit back and watch as his brother threw himself into a high risk situation. This was Loki's doing, and he had to see it through. He would not let his brother die.

The vast plains of Jotunheim were bleak and silent. There was not a soul to be seen, although those monsters having a soul was debatable. Great pillars of ice scattered the rocky landscape.

"Where are they?" Sif questioned, visibly uncomfortable. Thor's answer was immediate and sharp.

"Hiding, as cowards always do."

This did not feel like cowardry to Loki. This was dangerous. This felt like an ambush.

They entered a structure in ruins, Thor apparently knowing where he was going.

"You've come a long way to die, Asgardians." The voice startled Loki, although he did not show it. He, just like Thor, turned to the shape that was looming over the ruins, bathed in shadows.

"I am Thor Odinson." Thor announced.

"We know who you are."

With a shock, Loki realized this had been a mistake. A grave mistake. They should never have come here.

"How did your people get into Asgard?" Thor demanded, spitting out the words like venom.

There was a pause, and then Laufey, because of course it was the king facing them, answered. "The house of Odin is full of traitors."

"Do not dishonor my father's name with your lies!" Thor snapped back in anger.

Was Loki a traitor, if he had done it for the good of Asgard? Maybe so.

Laufey stood up and snarled his next words at them. "Your father is a murderer and a thief." He spoke with disgust and bitterness. "And why have you come here, to make peace? You long for battle. You crave it."

Thor did not interrupt, and Laufey was happy to continue. "You're nothing but a boy trying to prove himself a man."

Jötnar began appearing from the shadows of the ruins, surrounding them, but Thor did not seem to notice.

"This 'boy' has grown tired of your mockery."

This had been a mistake, Loki thought again. They were going to have to fight for their lives. This was Laufey's land, frigid and rough, and it was where they were about to die.

Laufey stopped out of the shadows, red eyes looking down at them. Ice began to form around his hand, shaping a sharp lance.

He stepped closer to his brother and whispered urgently to him. "Stop, and think. Look around, we're outnumbered."

"Know your place, brother." Thor growled in low tones. Loki felt bitterness well up. There had been a time when Thor had listened to him.

"You know not what your actions will unleash." A pause. "I do."

A war, Loki realized with growing horror. To fight now would mean to declare war between Jotunheim and Asgard.

"Go now, while I'll still allow it." Laufey stepped further out of the shadows, until he was standing before them.

Come on, come on, Thor, this is our out. We can leave this peacefully and all will be well.

"We will accept," Loki took over, keeping his voice straight and calm, "your most gracious offer."

He turned and slowly started walking. "Come on, brother," Loki muttered when Thor did not follow immediately.

And then Thor did turn, and Loki's silent relief was cut short with the King of the Jötnar's final words. "Run home, little princess."

"Damn." Loki said, not moving an inch. He could just feel that stupid, prideful grin behind him.

And then Mjolnir was slamming Laufey into a wall of the ruins, and all Hel broke loose.

Loki threw a dagger through the chaos to catch a Jotun in the shoulder, from where the magic in it disintegrated the monster.

This situation is my doing.Another knife landed in a giant sneaking up behind Sif.

This is my doing.

Two charging monsters were brought to a halt by their own legs collapsing beneath them.

My fault.One Jotun charged straight through Loki's illusion into the deep ravine. It's my fault.Loki stabbed a Frost Giant in the stomach.

There was a moment of absolute silence between the two, even while the battle raged on around them, as they stared at the blue creeping up Loki's arm from where the Giant was holding his wrist.

Loki bared his teeth and stabbed the monster again, pulling his arm out of the dying creature's hold. He noticed he was shaking.

He had heard the yell of 'Do not let them touch you!' a minute before- was this the reason? But that skin, it felt like-

Maybe it had been an illusion, some filthy Jötnar magic, though Loki was the most skilled mage in all of Asgard and he had not felt anything...

But- that was the only explanation, wasn't it?

Loki was pulled out of his staring when a crash sounded, and he realized his arm was back to how it had always been. Hallucination?

No time to contemplate it now, he decided as he dodged a pillar of ice coming down. Right now there was a mess to be fixed.

At that moment Fandral yelled in pain, and Loki turned to see a massive spike of ice through his chest. A moment later, a glowing green blade was whirled through the chest of the attacking Jotun.

Volstagg and Hogun began pulling a groaning Fandral from the spikes and helping him walk. Sif shouted for Thor's attention, but he did not even turn.

"We must go!" Loki yelled.

"Then go!" Thor shouted back, like he was expecting them to leave without him.

An enormous crashing sounded, ice breaking, and Loki's head whipped around to the monster breaking out from the ice.

It was huge and horrifying, like nothing he had ever seen before. With the state they were in now-

"Run!" Volstagg yelled loudly.

Loki saw the monster turn its head towards his brother, who was still occupied by holding off the mass of Frost Giants. If the enormous beast went after him...

Without hesitating Loki FLARED his magical aura, nearly blinding himself, but he continued running, a slight distance from the others. The beast roared in rage and bounded after them in great leaps, breaking straight through the massive pillars of ice like they were not even there.

Thunder crashed down behind them, back in the ruins. Loki's heart lightened a bit, even as the beast snarled right behind the small group. Thor was fine. He would fly out after them, Loki knew.

But then the ground was crashing down behind them- a deafening crashing right on their heels, fragile ice falling down around them- and suddenly the beast had fallen too- were they next? Would they fall into an endless abyss, helpless to do a thing-

Hogan stumbled, lagging behind, about to be swallowed by the ever widening abyss and Loki's magic burst out in a flare of panic, holding the ice for just a moment, giving time for them for all of them to make it to the stable edge just in time.Loki felt unbalanced. He was panting not from physical exhaustion but rather from fear and panic and the feeling of we are going to die here.The ground was no longer falling, steady where it had been stopped by Loki's magic and how had he done that it should not have been possible.

Loki looked around to check if the others were still there, reassured even though he could feel their presence without trying. Thor was still back there, but Loki knew his brother well enough to know he would not let his friends be alone for long on enemy ground.

The frigid air sunk into his lungs as he tried to calm his wildly beating heart. A chill settled on his skin- the danger had not gone, they were not safe.

Loki whipped his head back to the ravine as a rumbling sounded, louder than the whistling of the wind or the crashing of ice behind them. A claw appeared, gripping onto the edge, and Loki's eyes widened as the beast pulled its way onto the ice.

No words could accurately describe what happened next. The monster had roared and mnot a moment later it fell down, a sizable hole straight through its head.

Thor landed with a resounding boom, shaking the ice, a proud grin on his face that slowly faded away as he turned around to face them.

Loki turned to see what made Thor do so, and readied his daggers at the problem he came face-to-face with. The army-sized one.

He had run from them. Now the only choice left was to fight.

This had been a mistake. To come here, to trick his brother at all. It was a mistake Loki would never repeat, partly because dead men cannot act.

The moment the Jötnar rushed at the small group of warriors and the lone mage, there was a flickering of light that paused the battle. Not a word was spoken before the Bifrost came crashing down around the group, Odin atop his rearing battle horse with it.

The All-father stood on the rock at the edge of the ravine yet facing Laufey and his army. He did not spare the young Aesir a second glance.

"Father!" Thor yelled, pride and overconfidence practically shining from him as he readied Mjolnir. "We'll finish them together!"

"Silence." Odin hissed, and even though he could not see it Loki knew his father's eyes were flashing with anger. The Warriors did not seem to understand, but the realization had dawned on Loki long ago.

We attacked them on their own land. The treaty is broken. We are at war now.

Laufey rose up from the ice to face Odin.

"All-father." The monster mused, not at all sounding like an enemy at war. "You look weary."

"Laufey," Father acknowledged. "end this now."

Laufey seemed to be glaring now, his red eyes filled with hate. He looked almost bitter. "Your boy sought this out."

"You're right." Odin agreed. "These are the actions of a boy. Treat them as such. You and I can end this, here and now, before there is further bloodshed."

Father thought he could reason with these creatures? All they wanted was blood.

"We are beyond diplomacy now, All-father." Laufey unknowingly agreed with Loki's thoughts. "He'll get what he came for: war, and death."

Odin nodded. He had evidently expected this response. "So be it."

Laufey lunged and Loki was about to strike out with his magic to cut that monster's head off, but before he could the King of the Jötnar was thrown back by a beam of light and the Bifrost took them all.

When the neon colours and dizziness faded away and left faint nausea- Loki never did like travelling by Bifrost- the first thing Loki heard was shouting.

"Why did you bring us back!"

"Do you realize what you've done, what you've started?" Odin was talking quickly, angrily.

"I was protecting my home!" Thor protested.

"You can't even protect your friends, how can you hope to protect the kingdom? Get him to the healing room, now!" The last part was said to Hogun and Volstagg, who were supporting Fandral.

"There won't be a kingdom to protect if you're afraid to act."

Loki was watching silently. This was not right. It was he who lured Thor out.

"The Jotuns must learn to fear me, just as they once feared you!"

Jötnar, brother. Loki silently corrected in his mind. Thor had never been any good at wording.

"That's pride and vanity talking, not leadership." Odin countered, standing tall and proud. "You've forgotten everything I taught you about a warriors patience."

"While you wait, and be patient, the Nine Realms laugh at us!" Thor growled. "The old ways are done and you'd stand giving speeches-" Thor spit out the word like it was poison, "-while Asgard falls."

"You're a vain, greedy, cruel boy!" Odin snarled, furious.

"And you are an old man and a fool!"

A short silence rang through the room louder than any words could.

"... Yes." Odin admitted. "I was a fool to think you were ready."

Loki's eyes widened when he realized what his father was going to do. This was not a simple reprimand. What he was doing-

"Father.." Loki started, but was interrupted by Odin snapping at him, clearly telling him to stay out of this.

"Thor, Odinson..." Father sounded regretful that he had to do this. "You have betrayed the express command of your king. Through your arrogance and stupidity you have opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and desolation of war!"

Odin snarled the last words and placed his staff in the Bifrost's access system, activating the bridge. He stepped down to where Thor was standing.

Loki did not stop their father as he ripped off Thor's armour and announced that he was unworthy, of the realms, of his title, of the friends he had betrayed.

He watched in silence as Thor was banished, even while his heart was chilled and something in him called to STOP HIM STOP HIM NOT AGAIN.

He did not speak as the Bifrost's deactivated and Odin turned and walked back towards the palace.

After all, this had been the plan, had it not? To save Asgard, to save Thor by making sure he would never become king.

So why did he not feel like he had accomplished it?

Loki remembered the cold of Jotunheim the cries of rage and pain in battle. The scaly claws gripping his wrist and the blue creeping along his skin.

Loki remembered his magic doing the impossible, fortifying the ice before it collapsed and doomed them all.

He made for the weapons vault, solely to make certain that it was a coincidence.


	2. Bagel

On his way through the palace, Loki was intercepted by Thor's friends, who clearly expected him to join them in sulking.

Fandral was healed well enough to be there, to sit around the fire with the others. Loki stood a bit away from them, facing the window, lost in his thoughts.

Sif and the Warriors Three had been discussing Thor's banishment for a while now, recounting the battle. Loki had begun tuning them out after a short time, though still listening with one ear, occupied with his worries of what had happened during that very same battle.

There was an explanation for all of this. The blue skin, impossible feats. Loki did not want to think about what that would mean.

Loki found himself shaking slightly as he studied his hands, remembering how the cold blue had crept up it-

"How did the guard even know?" Loki caught, the words pulling him out of his thoughts.

"I told him." Loki acknowledged, turning to face the warriors.

"What?" Fandral asked sharply, twisting around to look at him.

"I told him to go to Odin after we'd left." Loki elaborated, muttering his next words half to himself. "He should be flogged for taking so long, we should never have reached Jotunheim."

That had been the plan. Arrive, and while wandering, searching for Laufey, to get intercepted by Odin. He would have been mad, would have postponed Thor's kingship, and that would have been it.

"You told the guard?" The accusatory tone set him on edge.

"I saves out lives," Loki defended, "and Thor's. I had no idea Father would banish him for what he did."

"Loki," Sif stood up and took a few steps toward him, pleading on her face, "you must go to the All-father and convince him to change his mind."

Loki felt a bit of frustration grow. Did they not understand that this was for the good of Asgard?

"And then what?" Loki asked, not expecting an answer. "I love Thor more dearly than any of you but you know what he is. He's reckless, he's arrogant, he's dangerous. You saw how he was today."

And wasn't that the truth. For all Loki was known for- the Trickster, the Liesmith, Silvertongue- the words he spoke were honest and bitter.

"Is that was Asgard needs from its king?" He finished, and stalked out of the room. It was time to get answers, these Fools could argue amongst themselves alone.

The guards of the vault let him in without preamble. Thor and he had never been denied access to the vault, its items protected by wards they could not break as children and now old enough to be trusted with objects like these.

The Casket of Ancient Winters was almost humming as Loki approached it. It had done so before, just on the edge of his hearing ability, but he had never truly noticed it before.

It felt... strange, now that Loki was searching for it. Familiar, yet not.

Loki did not want to believe it until he was holding it and a cold blue was replacing his skin colour again. This was no illusion, no hallucination or misconception.

He felt something inside him reaching for the Casket, it was his magic but- his magic had never felt quite so cold, had it?

Loki felt Father's.. He felt Odin's prescence enter the Weapons Vault, but did not acknowledge the All-father.

"Stop!" Odin barked, standing still at the top of the wide stairs. That was Father for you, always claiming the high ground no matter where he was.

"Am I cursed?" Loki asked without turning, his voice calmer than he felt.

"No," Odin simply said, seeming unwilling to explain.

Loki's breaths were short and silent, the only hint he was anything other than serene. "What am I?"

He set the Casket back down before Odin answered.

"You're my son."

Loki felt bitterness well up inside of him. That was a lie, it was all a lie!

Loki turned around, letting the Casket go completely and facing the All-father for the first time since the latter had entered. His red eyes glared at Odin, silently demanding the truth, and as the blue began to pull away again Loki finally spoke again. "What more than that?"

Step for step, Loki walked toward the man who had pretended to be his father for so many years. "The Casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?"

"... No." Odin admitted, refusing to show emotion as Loki came to a stop before him, looking up at the man who raised him with as blank a face as Odin had. "In the aftermath of the battle I went into the temple and I found a baby."

Blood rushed through Loki's ears as he stood, listening to Odin's story. All the events in his life, the reasons he'd been different from all other Aesir- it all led back to this.

"Small, for a giant's offspring. Abandoned to suffering, left to die. Laufey's son."

"Laufey's son." Loki repeated disbelievingly, head turned slightly as he stared into the distance, processing the words.

"Yes," Odin muttered in affirmation, sounding tired and sad.

For a few breaths Loki could not find words to speak. "Why?" He finally managed. "You were knee-deep in Jötnar blood, why would you take me?"

"You were an innocent child." Odin said patronizingly.

"No." Loki denied. He could read the lie on Odin's face. "You took me for a purpose, what was it?"

Odin did not answer, and Loki could not take the silence. He felt something wet on his face as he shouted his rage at the All-father.

"TELL ME!"

Loki's shout echoed off the golden walls. After a moment that seemed to last an eternity Odin spoke. "I though we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace. Through you."

Loki did not find words to answer that. Odin had thought these monsters could be reasoned with at all?

"But those plans no longer matter."

Disbelief and hurt showed clear as day on Loki's face, which had not been this open since he was but a child, thought right now it did not matter.

"So I am no more than another stolen relic," Loki scoffs, "locked up, here, until you might have use of me?"

"Why do you twist my words?" Odin retorted, annoyed. Loki did not seem to register these words.

"You could have told me what I was from the beginning, why didn't you?!" Desperation was leaking into Loki's voice. Had this person before him even even cared for him?

"You're my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth."

'Protect him', from what? The knowledge that he was different? He had found that out just fine without help. If he'd only had a reason, maybe he would've understood...

"What, because I- I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night?!"

If he had known...

"You know, it all makes sense now, why you favored Thor all these years because no matter how much you claim to love me-" Loki was now shouting, stepping up the stairs towards the All-father with his hands clenched, "-you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the throne of Asgard."

... he'd have realized that nobody could care for a monster like him, from the beginning. He wouldn't have gotten hurt trying to make Father proud or attempting to make friends only to be turned away.

He only realized the magic surging around him, up in arms, when it was calming down slightly. His father was laying on the stairs, unconscious.

His life force was stable, but as Loki came back to himself he could not help but feel shook, staring at his father's sleeping form. Had his magic...?

Loki laid a hand on Odin's and it did not even take a moment for him to feel the traces of magic coursing through the All-father's veins, quickly fading.

He had induced Odinsleep early, earlier than it should have been. Loki did not understand; his magic should not be this out of control, raging wildly around him. All these centuries of practice had gained him the title of Asgard's Greatest Sorcerer, and a sorcerer did not let his magic be this wild, because it was dangerous.

Loki did not understand, he did not understand many things.

Later, in the solitude of his chambers, Loki entered his mindscape. Over the years, it had evolved to elaborate detail without Loki doing anything to it. He searched his mind and found what he was looking for near immediately.

The area was chilly, unfamiliar and felt small, even though there were no walls or ceiling to speak of. The only thing it held was a glowing blue mass of energy, radiating cold into whatever went for air in one's mind.

Loki didn't even hesitate a moment to shut it, lock it heavily and stuff it in the corner of his mindscape, so that he would never have to see it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title isn't a misspelling of 'bagel', and neither is it referring to the dog breed, sadly enough. 'Bagel' means 'because' or 'why' in Enochian. Apparently. Don't quote me on that.
> 
> For everyone who's asking when the hell Gabriel is finally coming into play, which I'm guessing is a lot, well, I did say this was going to be slightly different than most of my other stories. Be patient, my young paladin.
> 
> I first want to really build up his life as Loki first, for once, and as such he's going to be Loki who happens to be an archangel and has memories since the beginning of time, and not and archangel pretending to be Loki.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	3. Loncho

As Loki sat on the All-father's throne, he contemplated his brother's exile.

Thor had needed it, the kingdom had needed it. It was what was best. And yet..

 _Thor frowned at his friends' hesitance._ _"You're not going to let my brother and me get all the glory, will you?"_

_"...what?" Loki whispered, disbelieving._

_"Well you are coming with me, aren't you?" Thor replied to him, like it was a completely natural assumption to make._

_Loki felt happiness well up inside him. His brother wanted for him to join them on their quest._

_Thor had not asked him along on any battles for decades._

_"Yes, of course. I won't let my brother match into Jotunheim alone."_

Thor had trusted him... Had he betrayed that trust, even if it ended up saving all of their lives?

It was honestly a miracle he hadn't collapsed yet. It was completely random, yes, but knowing the Norns it was bound to happen. And Loki knew the Norns. He used to have tea parties with them every weekend.

Loki had been on autopilot as he took on the role of king. Another responsibility to take, another character to play.

However unforseen the Allfather's early sleep was, it had left Loki with an opportunity. An opportunity to destroy the realm of monsters once and for all.

He had the chance to prove to Father he was not and never would be one of them. He was different from those soulless monsters.

He remembered  _blue skin, covering his hand, then his arm, slowly creeping to his heart- did that not make him a monster like it did them?_

Maybe so. He was a monster. But he could rectify it, he could prove that he did not care for his supposed race.

When Loki went down to Midgard to visit Thor, it was not solely to check he was healthy. There were necessary lies to be told, to make sure his brother did not return.

Loki did not truly think Thor would stop him, however Thor's friends might. If he kept them occupied on Earth, which they were about to visit right at that moment, all would be well. And they would not go back without Thor.

_"This is farewell, Brother."_

Loki realized the slip of the tongue too late, but did not let the unexpected bitterness show on his face. Thor was not- he had never been his brother.

He did not waste any time in going to Jotunheim. The way between worlds from Midgard to Jotunheim was after all much easier to travel than the one from Asgard to the Frost Giants' home.

Jotunheim was cold as ever, barren and empty except for the endless ice and occasional beasts.

_" **Kill him.**_

_"After all I've done for you?"_

He longed, more than anything, to strike the monster in the throne of ice down where he sat. Alas, on the Frost Giants own lands he would not survive the attack it would provoke.

_"I will conceal you and a handful of your soldiers... Lead you into Odin's chambers and you can slay him where he lies."_

_" **I... accept.**_

There was another problem lying in wait as Loki was transported back through the Bifrost.

_"What troubles you, Gatekeeper?"_

_"I turned my gaze upon you in Jotunheim but could neither see nor hear you."_

Heimdall had never liked Loki. He had tried to hide it, but Loki overheard him voice his worries to his old friend Odin; how Loki's image and presence kept flickering out of Heimdall's sight. And that had been before Loki found a spell to conceal himself and others.

However, Heimdall had always been loyal- to Odin. He would let Thor's friends to Midgard because he suspected Loki of treason, and all Loki had to do was keep them there.

Even sooner than he expected, the Bifrost activated. Loki made for the Weapons Vault. There was only one foe strong enough to hold Asgard's finest warriors off.

_"Ensure my brother does not return."_

_Then, a split second decision._ _"Destroy everything."_

Thor would be so busy saving those fleeting mortal lives, if only for the praise and glory of it, that he would not think about walking away from it.

And now, it was the final chapter. The end of the line. Destroying Jotunheim and proving himself worthy was the only thing left he had to do.

"Tell me, Loki, how did you get the Jötnar into Asgard?"

"You think the Bifrost is the only way in and out of this realm?" Loki's voice was low as he came to a halt. "There are secret paths between the Realms to which even you, with all your gifts, are blind."

Loki felt angry, unexplainably so. There was no logical reason for him to be, he was used to being dismissed as a trickster and a liar. He would need to get used to being called a monster, too.

"But I have need if them no longer, now that I am king, and I say for this act of treason you are relieved of your duties as Gatekeeper, and no longer citizen of Asgard."

"Then I need no longer obey you."

In a twist, Loki had pulled the Casket of Winters out of a rip in the fabric of space and in an instant, Heimdall was frozen solid. The point of his sword was barely seperate from Loki's neck.

Destroying the realm of beasts took priority. First to kill Laufey, to behead the kingdom, and for that he needed to make haste so the Jötnar would not back out of their agreement.

A thought flashed through his mind as Loki carefully stepped around the frozen figure, but Loki pushed it aside immediately. Nevertheless it still lingered there, in the back of his mind.

_If you'd embraced your heritage as a monster and a beast, you could have frozen him by yourself and prevented the danger of wasting time._

Loki paused, just for a moment.

_"When I'm king, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all!"_

No. He would not accept being just another savage creature for Thor to smash. He would not.

Before he could open the Bifrost, though, it seemed the Destroyer had arrived and it was up to Loki to oversee it. A shift in space and Loki was back on his throne, concentrating on the connection to the machine.

It was indeed not doing much to Sif and the Warriors Three, and Thor was not even in sight. This puzzled Loki, he knew his brother well enough to know Thor would never forsake the glory of battle.

Then, without warning, there was Thor, walking towards the Destroyer without fear or even an indication of violence. "Brother, whatever I have done to wrong you, whatever I have done to lead you to do this, I am truly sorry."

Loki did not understand. What was Thor trying to accomplish by pretending he cared at all?

"But these people are innocent. Taking their lives will gain you nothing."

Ah, so it was about the mortals? Loki had glimpsed a few people with Thor- one woman, especially, who seemed close to him. No doubt Thor had decided to take her as wife in the future and did not want her to be killed before then.

"So take mine. And end this."

What?

There was a few moments of nothing as Loki looked down at Midgard in a stupor. Thor was willing to sacrifice his life for this woman? For these insignificant mortals?

The Destroyer backhanded Thor, who went flying across the pavement, and then turned and walked away. Loki decided that would be enough to put Thor in the healers wing for a few days, more than enough time to destroy Jotunheim.

Suddenly, there was a flash and a boom of lightning crashing down, and the Destroyer was blinded. When it had regained sight, Thor was in full armor, holding Mjolnir, thunder in his eyes.

A few seconds later, Loki's connection to the Destroyer disappeared. He was not sure what had happened, but it was safe to assume it was not useful anymore. Now was really the time to make haste.

Loki stood up from his throne again and in an instant appeared before the Bifrost to open it to Jotunheim.

"Welcome to Asgard."

As promised, Loki lead Laufey into the palace, towards Odin's chamber. Rather conveniently the soldiers Laufey had brought stayed behind to watch the Rainbow Bridge, which may or may not have had to do with Loki's rather convincing magic.

As Laufey barged into the room which held Odin and threw his mother aside, Loki saw red, but had to wait just a moment. Just until Laufey was completely distracted...

" **...so that you may know your death came at the hand of Laufey.** "

As Laufey raised the stake of ice, Loki raised the sceptre faster and shot the brute in the back. King of the Frost Giants or not, at this range no one could withstand a shot as powerful as that.

"And your death came by the son of Odin." Loki said coldly, and when the other looked up, in pain, Loki shot again.

His mother pulled herself up and hurried to Loki. "Loki! You saved him."

Loki accepted her hug, then pulled away, staring her in the eyes. "I swear to you Mother, that they will pay for what they've done today."

_They will pay with the destruction of their realm._

"Loki!" Thor's voice sounded from the hall, and the younger looked up to see him standing in the door opening. Loki inwardly cursed. He thought he'd have time, as Heimdall had been frozen.

Thor kept his angry eyes on Loki while Frigga hugged him, protectively shielding her with his body as if Loki would ever do anything to hurt her.

"Why don't you tell her," Thor began, walking down the steps to the side of the room like to divert Loki's attention from Mother- which was ridiculous- "how you sent the Destroyer to kill our friends, to kill me-"

"What?" Frigga asked alarmed, echoing Loki's thoughts.

Why would Thor ever think that? Loki loved him, he had told his brother- he had told Thor, hadn't he?

"It must've been enforcing Father's last command." Loki lied calmly, despite his hurt at Thor's assumption that Loki would so easily foresake his brother's life.

"You're a talented liar, brother, always have been."

"It's good to have you back." And Loki meant it, despite it hindering the destruction of the Monsters' realm. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotunheim."

With that, Loki shot a low-powered blast focused mostly on the wall behind Thor, which grazed him and sent him flying. It would have been much more serious if Thor could not fly himself.

He would have let Thor watch as the Frost Giants were destroyed, but the other was clearly angry with him about the Destroyer, and Loki feared he might attack and accidentally ruin the attack on the beasts.

He raced on his steed to the Bifrost and activated it, watching confidently as it began decimating the cities of Jotunheim. He could not wait for father to see this.

The Bifrost's lightning turned to beautiful yet terrible ice as its power built and more destruction was created.

Loki saw Thor land, and snarled at him. "You can't stop it," he said, recognizing that look in his brother's eyes. For some reason Thor did not want this to happen. "The Bifrost will build until it  _rips Jotunheim apart._ "

Thor lunged with Mjolnir to smash it, but Loki fired another low-powered shot to deter him. Thor stood up from where he'd crashed, but did not attack again.

"Why have you done this?" Thor asked, desperation leaking into his voice.

_What sort of question was that? Were you not wanting to do the same not long ago?_

"To prove to Father that I am a worthy son." Loki snapped back. "When he wakes, I will have saved his life. I will have  _destroyed_ that race of  _monsters_ and I will be true heir to the throne."

"You can't kill an entire race!" Thor protested.

"..Why not?" Loki laughed slightly, confused, half expecting Thor to laugh too and say he was merely jesting. When he did not, Loki's smile fell away. "And what is this new found love for the Frost Giants?"

Loki slowly walked down the steps from the centre platform, closer to Thor. " _You_ could've killed them all with your bare hands!"

"I've changed." Thor said angrily.

"So have I," Loki responded lightly, then hitting Thor's face hard with the sceptre. "Now fight me."

Loki hit Thor again, sending him sprawling onto the ground. Why was he not fighting back? "I never wanted the throne!"

He stalked around the centre to get to Thor, growling the words, "I only ever wanted to be your equal."

Thor pushed himself up, yelling. "I will not fight you Brother!"

"I'm not your brother." Loki's eyes were dark as he spoke. "I never was."

"Loki, this is madness!" Thor argued, voice wavering.

"Is it madness?" Somewhere in his brain Loki registered he was shaking. Thor did not answer.

"Is it? Is it?!" Only silence greeted Loki's demands.

"I don't know what happened to you on earth that turned you so  _soft._  Don't tell me it was that woman!"

_What changed you when I could not?_

Loki wanted Thor to fight him. He wanted some reason to hate the one who never was his brother, who was only another lie in Loki's lie of a life.

"Oh, it  _was._ " Loki taunted. "Well maybe, when we're done here, I'll pay her a visit  _myself!_ "

Thor lunged and Loki met him midway, attacking with a hatred he did not know he had. But it wasn't hatred for Thor, not truly. It was hatred for the monsters who had created and ultimately destroyed his life. It was hatred for himself.

They burst out onto the bridge leading to the palace, and Loki let an illusion of himself fall off the bridge but keep hanging on by a hand. He pushed himself up behind Thor, concealed from sight.

"Brother, please." Loki did not expect his double to say that, and cursed himself. He was doing this subconsciously, having trained to be a master at any magic put before him. The term had slipped by.

But it seemed to convince Thor as he reached down and was attacked from behind as the double disappeared.

Loki could help but laugh while he conjured up an army of himselves. Thor had never failed to fall for his tricks, whatever they had been.

But then a surge of lightning hit the army of Lokis, and the copies disintegrated while Loki was thrown backwards with force.

He blinked his eyes open and was greeted by Thor's angry face, one he was very familiar with. Then a weight came to be settled on his chest.

It was not crushing him, but he could not lift it off. It was only a bitter reminder that Loki wasn't good enough for some stupid hammer.

He began shouting nonsense at Thor, and some part of his brain registered he probably had a concussion, but Loki put it aside.

Suddenly Thor summoned his hammer and began smashing.

What was he doing? Why was he-

No. No no  _no what was he doing! He'd going to ruin it, ruin everything!_

"What are you doing?" Loki asked breathlessly, barely noticed he was sitting up now.

"If you destroy that bridge you'll never see her again!" Loki screamed at Thor, his voice raw.

He was running now, towards Thor, and lunging-

"Forgive me, Jane." Loki heard Thor utter, and with a last smash the Bifrost  _exploded._

There was a huge crash and a blinding light and when Loki became aware of the ringing in his ears he was falling and screaming-

Something reached out to him, and he grabbed onto it- his sceptre?- as the ringing subsided. He was hanging above the endless abyss, only still there because Thor was holding onto him and Father was holding onto Thor.

"I could've done it, Father!" Loki shouted desperately. "I could've done it! For you! For all of us."

Loki could read the expression on the All-father's face clear as day. His face fell as Odin spoke two words only, words he had heard so many times but never  _like this._

"No, Loki."

Father thought him a monster, too. What, for wanting to destroy a race of monsters?

There was no point in going back to Asgard. Not as the outcast, the evil one, the  _monster_. Loki had no home, he didn't belong anywhere.

"Loki, no." Thor warned, panicked, sounding weirdly distant. A haze was over his eyes and he felt his had slipping. He did not want to go back.

" _NOOOO_!" Thor's cry sounded in his ears and he was falling, falling and falling.

He did not stop falling before it all went dark.


	4. Svrzas

_"You think you know pain?"_

Loki remembered landing on that barren rock, with as only hope for survival the creatures living there.

_"If you fail..."_

He had agreed, he'd gone down to earth and there was something  _so so familiar_ about the Tessarect's energy. He'd located it immediately, and then-

Nothing. He did not remember anything after that.

So where was he now? What had become of the Tessarect?

_"...not overly fond of what follows."_

Was that his voice? What-

_"I thought you dead."_

_"Did you mourn?"_

Thor... What was his brother...?

Suddenly Loki remembered. The Mad Titan Thanos- right after locating the Tessarect- had decided he was planning to turn and sabotage his plans.

_Something had taken over his body?_

Loki's next realization terrified him to the core.

_Not just something. Thanos had taken over his body._

Not directly, maybe, one of his minions perhaps, but that did not differentiate from the fact that  _he was being forced he was being sacrificed- **used**_.

_"-in the shade of your greatness. I remember you tossing me into an abyss, I who was and should be king!"_

Anger welled up in Loki. White-hot rage that dimmed everything else. This  _parasite_ had not only taken over Loki's body, he was pretending to  _be_  Loki and doing a horrible job at it. Surely someone would notice, Thor would notice that something was amiss-

_"You give up the Tessarect, you give up this poisonous dream! You come home."_

_Home,_ Loki thought bitterly.  _I have no home._

That was the last thing he heard before being pulled into dark unawareness again.

The next times Loki was aware of something it was brief. A flash of destruction, a cry of pain before him mind was repressed again.

The boiling hate in those moments for the being that had done this to him was only fueled by the potent nausea that came with having his mind violated, sifted through and used like a rag.

And then- after some amount of time that was impossible to measure- he felt the entity leave his mind.

The hope, the absolute  _relief_ from a pressure Loki did not know was there left him shaking. The entity had discarded him because he was of no more use and left him with a tattered body and fragmented mind.

Not a moment was wasted for Loki to delve into his mind- _his_ mind, it was  _his_ again- and surround his misused and shattered magic with everything he had. That  _violation_ , the blatant misuse and abuse had left it broken and the feeling made Loki want to be sick.

It was a horrible  _empty_   _hopeless_ feeling and he wanted to scream at the pain of it.

Unconsciously, more and more mental guards were elected around his mind and his magic. Walls to keep out impossible forces. Velvet to soothe the once beautiful and pure and  _whole_  magic.

Only when he could not take the sight of the holes anymore did he notice that he was on the ground. He was shaking, shivering in pain and regret and there was something wet on his cheeks.

He manged to wring open his eyes, terrified at how strange having a real body again felt. He had not realized it but he had not felt anything for so, so long.

There was white, a lot of it. The brightness of the walls and floor and even the ceiling hurt his eyes, even as he remembered  _white happy home wi-_

What...? What had he been thinking just now?

Loki dismissed it and looked around, taking in the contours of the room and the windows edged with golden spells to reinforce them. His heart clenched as he recognized the hall on the other side.

He had been locked up in a special cell in Asgard, he one reserved for enemies of the throne and prisoners that were to be executed.

Loki did not know which of those he was. He may have been both, even. But silently, he wished for the trial of death.

He did not want to live in a cell, locked up for eternity with tattered and broken magic and a violated mind.

Over time, Loki knew, his mind would mostly restore itself. The memory and the feeling of  _used and useless_ and the violation would fade into the ages.

But his magic, the very core of his being, it would not be restored. He could never go back to what it had been before this. There was no coming back from the destruction and misuse of magic. It would stay in fragments, darkened robbed of its beauty, which it would never regain.

"Loki."

He did not startle, having felt the illusion come to life in the back of his mind even as he paid it no attention. He simply turned to the figure of Queen Frigga of Asgard, who was looking down at his place on the floor with concern.

"...Mother." He greeted calmly, not finding the energy to put on any more extravagant act.

"How have you been?" She inquired, moving her eyes over his form and lingering on bruises and cuts Loki didn't know were there.

He considered for a moment. Lying would be pointless and ineffective. "I have been better."

Loki pushed himself off the floor to stand opposite to his mother- well, her illusion. "How is Asgard faring?"

He could not care less about Asgard, but he did want to hear his mother's voice and see her face, if only for a little while.

He listened as she talked about the gardens, the balls, the dances. He soaked in her words I'd only to find something, some reassurance that everything would be alright.

Frigga did not mention the reason for Loki's imprisonment. She did not ask him anything or accuse him. She only spoke of better days and starry nights skies, of servants tending to the golden halls and the new young warriors. She spoke of the life, here, that Loki had lived too, once.

He absorbed it all, the words like a gentle melody to him. Eventually, long after he'd sat down against one of the walls and closed his eyes, the lullaby of stories and adventures greater than this faded into the sweet embrace of sleep.

**~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~**

Loki's days in the prison were spent lonely, empty, with as only solace the occasional visit from Mother's illusionary form and as only divertion from the routine a single instance of him collapsing.

Loki had noticed that over the years, the attacks were still the same intensity of pain as they had always been. Painful, but they did not get worse. And every time, without fail, Loki collapsed and fainted.

But even now, locked in a few square stika and his magic still nigh unusable, no one ever saw him collapsing. Nobody looked.

Loki used to be visited every other day by Mother, but she had been coming less and less, finding other things that needed attending. Loki was silently glad for it, though, as she looked happy when he did see her.

Between the eternal brightness and sporadic moments of fitful sleep, Loki did not have awareness of how much time had passed before something changed.

Another one of Mother's illusions entered his cell while he was sitting against a wall. Instead of beginning to make small talk she kept silent for a moment, before asking, "Why do you not make this room more comfortable?"

Loki did not know what to say to that, so she continued. "The bindings are magic resistant, but the room is not. You must know that."

He did not answer.

The illusion of Frigga crouched down to his height and looked him in the eyes. "Loki," she began softly, "why do I not feel your magic anymore?"

Loki couldn't surpress a flinch at that and Frigga reeled back as if that movement confirmed something, horror in her eyes. "...Loki?"

He did not say a word. His magic was not gone, not as Mother thought it was, but in the state it had been left in it might as well have been.

When Frigga finally left it was with regret in her eyes and silence ringing in her ears.

**~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~**

The next time something of note happened was an immeasurable time afterward. Weeks, maybe. Loki could do nothing more but stare out of the cell, eyes dull and lifeless, alone with his thoughts. Frigging had not visited since she first started asking questions.

Then, with no warning or indication the shields that he had unconsciously built around the broken core of his being began to fray at the edges.

Wide-eyed, Loki had frozen, caught between bewildered panic and exhilaration. He knew what this meant, he'd felt it before, but it shouldn't have been possible-

The pressure on the shields. Had it come from outside his cell, pushing in, it would doubtlessly have been an enemy trying to incapacitate Loki not that his mind was weak and shattered. But this did not come from external forces, this was his magic pushing against the shields, unraveling them, wanting  _out_.

His magic should not- no,  _could not_ be strong enough, orginized enough to do that.

The shields collapsed easily, not constructed to face against this force. For a moment Loki was sightless, awareness of senses all but discarded in favor of the magic and power rushing through his veins, at his fingertips again.

When the power faded away, leaving behind a tingling that reassured Loki of its presence regardless, he took a deep, unsteady breath and let it out again.

His magic, his very core was stable again, no signs left of anything that had transpired. It was impossible- a fragmented mind could be fixed, but a wounded core, it should not be able to be repaired.

Except his was, somehow. By some glorious, unforseen miracle Loki's hands and words held power and every fibre of his being was vibrating with magic once more.

Loki laughed, a disbelieving, awed sound that rang through the white chamber. There was no greater feeling than regaining that which you had thought lost forever.

For a moment, it did not matter he was imprisoned in a world that he had once thought of as home. It did not matter that he might never be free. It did not matter because Loki had found a purpose to his life again, a path to follow.

In that moment, he promised himself, he swore to himself one single vow.

_I will never be controlled again, I will never be **used** again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm completely ignoring Thor: The Dark World.
> 
> Loki: 1196 years old (15.99 years old)
> 
> Thor: 1415 years old (18.9 years old)
> 
> Strika: an old Norse form of measurement, which equals to about one meter
> 
>  
> 
> So, I'm uploading the chapters I wrote about a year ago. I've since improved, but I'll upload them anyway, for the readers that want them.


	5. Ednas

At the very base of the World Tree, the place they call the Well of Urd, the three Norns sat in silence. In front of them the Tapestry of Existence sat, weaved out of all the life in  _Yggdrasill._ The object of their scrunity this time was not all there.

A faintly glowing, warm golden thread made its way through the beautiful tapestry, making all others look bleak in turn. But at the same time, it was fluid, it did not have a form or a structure. The thread was not truly there.

"It is beyond our influence." Verðandi remarked, sounding indifferent yet a spark of curiosity in her eyes.

Skuld nodded in agreement, gazing intently into the glow. "This being- I cannot see its future."

They both looked towards the last sister for her opinion. For a moment, she stayed silent. Then she opened her mouth to speak.

"I cannot see the story of a creature older than me."

**~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~**

Time passed.

Time was always passing, never pausing, and in the past it had inconvenienced Loki. There had never been enough time, never a moments pause in which he could rest peacefully.

There had always been something to do, and Loki had found that he didn't mind so much.

Now, though, in the silence of the white cell with only his mind and magic for company, Loki felt that he wished for anything, any change in this monotonous, unmovable lifestyle.

The euphoria of his magic restoring itself- somehow- had worn off some time ago, Loki could not tell how long.

He longed to feel something other than numbness again.

He did not know how much time has passed since the last time the guards had brought him a meal. It was before he had regained his magic, but that did not tell him anything. The hunger had long given way to simple emptiness.

Mother had ceased visiting, maybe she had seen Loki as useless after discovering his magic had gone. Or maybe she had forgotten his existence.

He could use his magic, though only for workings within the room. Illusions he himself could not see to keep up the front of pride and strength.

Loki was twirling his fingers listlessly. His thoughts were thoughtless and razing like a storm at the same time, and Loki remembered that he had never been fond of storms.

There were the see-through walls, of course. So fragile looking yet immovable. On the other side there sat enemies of Asgard in their very own little rooms, as apathetic and unresponsive as he was.

He was considered an enemy of Asgard, too.

**~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~**

When Thor entered the hall and stopped outside his cell, Loki didn't look up from his place against the wall. Thor isn't even sure he noticed his presence. Loki's eyes are blank, empty, unseeing.

"Brother." The older prince called softly. He grew concerned when Loki didn't respond.

"Loki." Thor said again after a pause, speaking clearly and a bit louder. There was no answering words or even gaze upon him.

Was it this glass wall? Did it block sound completely, for the safety of the guards?

"Brother!" He tried once more, and this time Loki flinched as if shot and his head snapped towards Thor.

The blonde took the following pause to examine his brother. Loki looked as pristine and composed as ever, his face pale but not unusually so, but his dark green eyes told a different tale. They were empty, there was no life or hope left in them.

Loki spoke, and Thor felt his fear grow with the words.

"Brother." Loki looked puzzled, shifting to look at him, and Thor's heart lifted at the acknowledgment. "Have you not gone to the Tournament of Realms? What is it, did you lose your shield again? Come now, Thor, you should know better by now."

"What?" Thor was confused. "No, brother, I-"

He fell still when he caught Loki's unfocused gaze. His brother was not looking at him, not completely. There was something off.

"Loki." Thor said softly, not knowing how to react. It seemed his brother was caught in the tendrils of a memory, unaware of where he really was.

That, or it was a trick constructed by the ever so devious Liesmith. But seeing that look, hearing the light, burdenless tone of voice that Thor had not heard from his brother in centuries, he could not believe that.

It broke his heart to hear it again here, now. The guilt of not visiting his brother's cell- because that was what it was, a cell- returned in full force, threatening to drown him.

His brother was unstable. Not very connected with reality, not anymore. These cells had done him no good, and Thor mourned for Loki's fate. It was not fair, for some reason it had to be Loki who decided to attack Midgard somehow- why could it not be someone he had never known?

Thor opened his mouth and prepared for the painful task of talking his brother back to reality, but the look alight with innocent confusion Loki was giving him struck him. The words stuck in his throat, they wouldn't come out.

Thor closed his mouth again and after a second he grinned, sheepishly, painfully. "Ah, how foolish of me."

His cheeks were wet with tears but Thor laughed through it, pretending everything was the way it used to be, to- if only for a moment- get his little brother back.

"I was just on my way, you will join me at the banquet tonight?"

Loki nodded, smiling, a  _real_ smile, and Thor fled the dungeons. He could not bear seeing a vision of what could have been. But he could not bear destroying it either.

He would come back, he convinced himself. Later.

**~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~**

He did return, and to his great relief, as soon as he entered Loki's view the young god's eyes fixed on him with a dark, emotionless gaze- not the far gone one from some days before.

"Thor." Loki greeted, short. There was no distinct poison in his words, but there was a sharp tone, like walking on the edge of a perfectly honed knife; dangerous, deliberate.

"How pleasant of you, to come visit after- what has it been, months? Years? I am sure you and your  _friends_ have been having a great time ruling Asgard towards its doom." In the middle of his words, Loki's voice suddenly turned venomous.

Once upon a time, Thor would've argued with a loud anger against the implication, goaded astray of his goal by the Trickster's silver tongue, but this was not then.

"Brother," He began, relief palpable in his tone, "I am glad to see you well."

Loki looked at him with confusion, caught off guard, but quickly composed his mask of indifference. Thor's expression turned grave. Loki had not slipped up like that in a long time, and between this and what had happened a few days ago there was no clearer indication that his imprisonment was affecting him, in a bad way.

"Please, Thor." Loki scoffed disbelievingly. "Say what you require of me, or leave me to my doings."

The younger's eyes wandered away from Thor unconsciously, flitting around the place warily.

Thor did not know what to say, he had somehow just expected Loki to start talking like he always did, to explain himself, to justify his hurtful actions.

"You are my brother," Thor finally said, not finding the words to express what he wanted to say.

Loki scoffed and drawled something under his breath. Thor's shoulders fell. This was a lost cause.

Thor turned, but before he could take a step Loki pounded on the glass behind him with a scream of rage. "What do you  _want_  from me?!"

After a short pause, Thor started walking again, not looking back. His eyes were sad. What  _did_ he want?

Loki stayed silent as he stared at where Thor's figure had disappeared around the corner.

**~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~**

"But my friend, with what you've told us Loki is unstable at best. Is this wise?"

Thor tuned to Fandral, a grim look upon his face. "Do not think I wish to do this, Fandral, but it may be the only choice we have."

It had been a few days since Thor had seen Loki, and the kingdom had just been met with grave news. A rebellion was rising from where it had lain dormant for so many years.

Sif crossed her arms angrily, but she didn't protest. Volstagg and Fandral looked at each other doubtfully. Even Hogan was frowning silently- more than usual, anyway.

Seeing his friends weren't convinced, Thor tried to find words to let them see how serious this situation was. Loki had always been better at reasoning.

"I know, it sounds like madness, but you must understand." Thor stressed. "With the Bifrost broken and no way for us to get to other Realms, Heimdall has seen the Alfar start an uprising under Freyr's lead."

Sif started to look uncomfortable, but it was nothing they didn't already know. What was Thor trying to prove?

Thor continued uninterrupted. "By the time the great bridge is repaired, Alfheim will be stronger than ever. We have the might to defeat them should it be needed, but it would cost many Asgardian lives. To sacrifice unnecessarily- it does not fit Asgard."

Fandral intersected again. "Is there not some object better suited, or what about the All-father's spell that transported you to Midgard-"

"That magic was one way only," Thor interrupted, "I was betting on the Tessarect being my way back. We do not want to get stuck in enemy terratory under any circumstances."

"But that's just it, Thor!" Sif burst out. "We'd be bringing with us an enemy and a traitor. Is that really better?"

"Loki is the only one with the knowledge of the secret pathways along the branches of Yggdrasill." Thor said firmly.

And that was it. They could not protest this fact, however much they might have been inclined to.

And so it was a grumpy Sif that made her way down to the dungeons with Thor, the Warriors Three behind them uncertaintly.

When they reached the first cells Thor stopped the little group and turned to his comrades. "I feel it is best for you to let me talk to my brother."

"Alone?" Sif exclaimed angrily.

Thor nodded. "Indeed. It may incline him to comply."

After a short silence Thor looked at the others' doubtful faces and chuckled. "It is not like he can do anything from within his cell."

That seemed to convince the others, but before Thor could leave for Loki's cell Fandral called one last thing to him.

"Just remember, Thor, he is not called the Trickster for naught."

Thor ignored the words and walked on. It was not long before his brother's cell came into sight, and his brother standing in the middle passively.

"Brother!" Thor called, approaching. "Asgard requires your help."

He quickly realized his mistake as Loki turned to him slowly. He looked no better or worse than before, in fact there was not a hair out of place. "How desperate you must be, to seek help from a creature such as me. How could I ever refuse after... All you've done for me."

The sarcasm was heavy and Thor frowned at his brother's scowl, clenching his fist around Mjolnir. "Do not mock me, Loki. You wish to leave this cell, do you not?"

Loki leaned forward a little, eying him with disdain. "And the conditions?"

"You show us one of your secret pathways along Yggdrasill." Thor didn't hesitate, holding Loki's gaze. "One that leads to Alfheim. You show us the way back to Asgard, too. You will not harm any Asgardian."

Loki raised an eyebrow, as if saying, 'is that all?' and Thor added as an afterthought: "Give your word."

The younger may have been a liar and a trickster, but his word was his bond- provided there were no loopholes. Thor couldn't spot any loopholes in his wording of this.

"I will show you the pathways in and out of this place you want to go to," Loki grudgingly allowed. "You have my word."

"No harming Aesir." Thor reminded him sternly. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Yes, that too."

Thor frowned at his brother, but secretly much preferred this over the version of Loki he had seen on his first visit.

Mere minutes later, Thor and a handcuffed Loki joined the others at the dungeons' entrance.

When he had been restricted with the handcuffs Loki had immediately noticed a restriction on his magic too, and a moment later had spotted the runes carved into the things. Dwarven-made. Normally Loki would not have a problem with this, or put it out of his mind as there was no use concerning himself with something he could not change, but these restrictions made his magic whirl around inside him restlessly with the strong desire of  _freedom._

He did not let this unrest show, of course. He simply gave Sif a small, mocking smile when she glared harshly at him. Loki didn't even spare the Warriors Three a second glance.

He led the others down the hall, already having decided on the route they would take. It would be nice to smell fresh air once again.

"So, how many warriors can go down this pathway of yours, brother?" Thor asked, perhaps attempting to make conversation.

"An indefinite amount, Thor." Loki rolled his eyes, not completely turning towards the other. "This is a pathway, not a vehicle."

"Ah." Thor looked bashful, as he should, in Loki's opinion.

"We will only be there to oppress the resistance and show that we still have means to do so." Sif interjected. "To bring many warriors could be seen as an act of war, and war is not something we want no matter our chances of winning."

Loki took in that information, his face smooth and betraying nothing. It was predictable, really, the Alfar had been holding a grudge against the Aesir for millennia.

Loki led them put of the palace and through the city, taking the backways to avoid being held up by the townsfolk. It was only when they left the city entirely and were walking through a small group of trees that Thor spoke again. "Where are you taking us, Brother?"

For a few seconds, Loki didn't answer, and then the trees parted and the Sea of Space was revealed, glinstering before them in all its beauty. "We are here."

He didn't wait for them to voice their confusion, he simply took a few steps to the edge of the cliff where the land dropped into sea and jumped.

"LOKI!" Thor screamed in panic, rushing forward to look down to the water, his hammer in his hand and ready to jump off as well.

Loki was nowhere to be seen, and for a few moments Thor was speechless. The other four had rushed forward too, albeit slower, and were now staring with Thor into the deep blue sea. It was fourhundred  _strika_ , at least, there was no way Loki had fallen that far, that fast.

And he had not. A moment later Loki's head appeared from the side of the cliff, startling the warriors. After a short moment they saw that he wasn't actually a decapitated head, but rather leaning out from a little alcove off the side of the rocks. It was near impossible to see without exactly the right angle.

"Are you all waiting for the Alfar to attack? Come now, enough time has been wasted." Loki remarked calmly, not looking bothered at all by Thor's expression of incredulous relief. Sif felt burning anger well up, but she pushed it down. Now was not the time.

After they'd all gotten down there- some with more difficulty than others- Loki led them in vague darkness to the back of the alcove. It was not much, merely a little wound in the cliff face, but deep enough for them to have to blink and ajust to the twilight.

"Loki..." Sif began, warningly. There was nothing there but the cave wall. Suspicious, Sif's hand trailed down to her blade. Her eyes sought for possible escaped in case of a trap- nothing but the opening through which the party had come.

"Patience, Sif!" Loki snapped, sounding a bit more frustrated than he'd intended. He took a breath. He knew what Sif had been thinking, and couldn't help but feel offended. But the time for offense could come later.

Loki turned back to the dead end, eyes narrowed in focus. A moment of tense silence later his eyes flashed an undistinguishable colour, and a rift opened.

With a quick hand gesture, Loki effortlessly pulled the five warriors through and stepped in after them just before the opening closed and disappeared again.

He found the Aesir part of the group on the other side, scrambling up, eyes wild and disoriented. Thor was the first to regain his wits, having experienced his already multiple times throughout his childhood.

"Was that really necessary, brother?" He muttered in true Thor-fashion, which is to say he exclaimed it slightly less loud than usual. Loki let his stance speak for him-  _of course, you dimwit._ Thor didn't need to know that it could've and would've been much smoother, had his time in the dungeons and his concern now not interfered with his concentration.

See, the younger prince had been avoiding battle as well he could so far, but now that he was going into such a complex situation that may very well turn to fighting, there was a problem.

For years, Loki had listened to the signals his body had given him. Instinct had saved him many times, and so had learning to recognize what preceded one of his fits. All day he had been feeling off, unbalanced, and frustratingly enough he couldn't tell if it was from the time spent in isolation or warning signs leading to potentially collapsing mid battle.

Loki took a second glance around. The trees surrounding them were humongous and leaning over them, typical Alfar intimidation. There was no real path, although the ground was shadowed by the trees and as such there was not much growing but a few weeds and mushrooms.

The place had not much changed from the last time Loki had visited, which was decades ago. Alfar were still not too friendly with anything that looked Aesir, so he did not traverse their realm's paths more than necessary.

Loki led the small group a direction that seemed like any other, and pretended he could not feel Fandral and Volstagg exchange uncertain glances behind him.

As they walked Thor joined him at the front. Loki kept his face blank, not granting him any ground.

"Loki, how are you faring?"

Loki moved his head towards the other in surprise, despite his resolution not to show anything. It had not been an awkward attempt at conversation like he had become used to from his brother, but rather a serious and straight forward question. He settled for an unimpressed look.

"My 'people skills' may be 'rusty', Thor, but my fighting ability has not suffered a bit." Loki used air quotes to accent his sentence, then dropped them, surprised at himself. Where had that terminology come from?

Thor looked slightly alarmed too, but let it go and frowned at the whole of Loki's answer instead. "You know full well that is not what I meant, brother. This whole time, you've been... Not quite here. If it comes to confrontation, we need your full attention at the conflict."

Ah. For a moment Loki had been worried Thor was actually asking for his emotional well-being and wondering how his brother had changed so much in such a short time, but of course he should've known better. He was just thinking as Loki had been.

"Worry not, Thor," Loki replied a little frostily, "I will not be hindersome." If the Norns held him in favor.

Thor's frown deepened and he looked like he was about to say something, so Loki cut him off, raising his voice as he did. "We're close to the main Alfar settlement. If you should want to discuss strategies, I suggest doing it momentarily."

"Strategies?" Volstagg voiced, confused. "What do we need those for?"

Loki turned around, rolling his eyes. "Do you expect the Alfar folk to greet you gracefully and lead you to Sigvid? They do not look upon Aesir kindly."

Sif gives a nod of agreement, although she looked fairly sour about it. "He's right, we can't just walk in and ask a counsel with their king."

"Can we not ask Freyr?" Thor intersected. "He is a friend to Asgard and has a close bond with Sigvid."

The Warriors Three began agreeing with various levels of enthusiasm, but Sif shook her head. "A tentative friend," she reminded. "He would sooner side with the Alfar."

Loki wisely kept himself out of further discussion. They were reluctant to acknowledge his words in the first place, and he had no doubt any more advice would get him only agression in answer.

"Then it is decided." Thor spoke with a tone of finality, breaking Loki out of his wonderings. "We will endeavor to go unnoticed until we reach the castle, and we search out the king."

Loki opened his mouth to make his ignorant brother aware that the Alfar lived differently than the Aesir and there was no 'castle' to speak of, but instead whirled around at the voice that spoke from behind him. "No need. I'm already here."

Before them stood a creature some might have called ethereal if it was not for the ugly scowl marring his finely sculpted face. The Alf- Sigvid, Loki suspected- was lean and moved with a grace not unlike a predator on the hunt. Behind their king and to the sides of their little group more and more figures began appearing out of the darkness of the forest, and suddenly Loki realized there were many more than Heimdall had predicted there would be. Surely in the little time the Bifrost had been broken this army could not have been built?

Wide eyes flittered over to Thor, who had previously stood diagonally behind Loki but had stepped forward defensively, sinking into a battle-ready position just like Loki had. These were not creatures come to discuss peace.

**Author's Note:**

> I have never hated my life more.
> 
> So here's the story. I was writing... And writing... And researching... And writing... And researching and then writing again.
> 
> And after six hours of that I finally had a chapter. 3,564 beautiful words forming a chapter. THREE THOUSAND WORDS. SIX HOURS.
> 
> I SPENT AN ENTIRE DAY DOING NOTHING BUT WRITING, RESEARCHING AND OCCASIONALLY EATING.
> 
> Then I was done and I save it and I back out into my document manager.  
> And then a glitch deleted it.
> 
> And it can't be recovered because it was a document.
> 
> I hate everything.
> 
> So I just did my best to recreate it here. If it's really bad, blame the glitch. It used to be good I swear.


End file.
